Warning - The Sop Returns
Four months before I met Spidey I dated Miguel De Cruz*, a senior associate at a relatively well-known law firm.I met him at a bar, literally, because I had just ordered a glass of some Fogarty Heart's riesling when he asked: "Is that any good?"
"I wouldn't really know - I just need a drink." Fecked if I know, do I look like Mrs Dom Perignon to you?
Then the dude proceeds to order the same. Goodbye, have a nice one I say and I go to meet my girlfriend Soong Hae Lee*. 45 minutes into the conversation Soong receives a call from nature and heads to the ladies. I whip out the mobes because suddenly I have no one to talk to. I pretend to send an urgent text to the Commissioner of Fisheries regarding the establishment of a central marine biological laboratory.
35 minutes later, it dawns on me that Soong has either done a runner or accidentally flushed herself down the waste receptacles. I hatch a search and rescue plan but on the way to the point of desination, I run into Mr "I'll Have What She's Having".
"Are you off?"
"I think my friend's in critical danger and I have to look for her." Then out of the corner of my eye I see her. She's standing with a group of guys. She's laughing. She looks like she's having a blast. She hasn't been kidnapped, stabbed or bitten by malaria-riddled mosquitoes. BIATCH.
"Actually, I think I've found her." And I'm going to break her legs.
"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Sure." I'll break them later.
Miguel and I hit it off like Ike and Tina minus the domestic violence. On paper he was appealing. To this day I still consider him the funniest person I know. And that's what got me. Unfortunately that was the only thing that got me. Two months of dating and I confessed I wasn't feeling it, "could we be friends?". He was devastated. Truly he was, I'm not a bad catch if you get to know me. Anyway, turns out we could.
I had lunch with Migs today and it was fabulous. He's dating a Korean. I tell him there's still a way out, has he ever tried Malaysian - we're a good sort. He asked me about my life, whether I'm happy, is Spidey the one?
"I think he's the one." Shit what if I go home tonight and he's in bed with a circus midget, worse still, a male circus midget.
"So what can I do to intercept?"
"Own a dog." For starters.
"Might be tricky."
"Work less hours." Get a tan.
"That can be arranged."
The conversation goes on in jest but the more it carries on the more I realise how much he is nothing like Spidey.
How do you describe to someone that your mate is irreplaceable? You can't....it's in a look. All I had to do was show him the look. And it wasn't long before he got it.
*Names have been changed to protect the individual's privacy and privates.
posted by Lokes @ 4:30 PM
2 Comments:
It's low. Too, too low to resort to calling someone "the one" just so you can steal his mutt.
*shakes head* even I wouldn't stoop that low. I hope spidey knows what he's in for.
As your friend though, when they change the laws about allowing inter-species marriage between canines and homosapiens, I'll let you know first.
blimey that was a funny post. I hope Spidey did manage to deflate then hide the male circus midget in his undie drawer before you walked in the door.
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