Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Not quite Hong Kong, but I wasn't complaining in Port Douglas





posted by Lokes @ 8:08 PM 7 comments

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Am I just being....an idiot?

So Spidey recently added an 18 yo pretty blonde girl to his payroll. She started on Monday as an 'administrative assistant'. Did I mention she also has a set of ginormous mammary glands? I went over to his office to check her out, piss on my turf, fart in my air space and shit in my backyard. You know, the things a 28 year old woman does when a surge of jealousy washes over her. When I walked in, I was immediately accosted by a very excitable mutt. Gawd, she makes me proud.

Me: "Herrrrrowwww baaaybeeee....herrrrowwwwww, gooooooood girl. Herrroooow bayyybeeeee. Mummy missed you...!!!"

Mammary glands (MG): "Wow, this is the most excited she's been today!!"

Me: Yeah. Did I give you permission to talk? Hi, you must be Alicia. Extend hand. Did I also mention I am wearing a damn fine custom-made Armani imitation suit courtesy of Tony's Tailor in Bangkok?

Alicia: Yeah, and you are Swee-eee. Ooooooh, you so lucky you got that right, but just barely, biatch.

Me: And how has your first day been? Have the boys been treating you well?

Alicia: It's been great. They've been really great to me!!! Said with a little too much enthusiasm which really. really. really. shits. me.

And so it went.

Okay, so she's actually quite a nice girl and if she was deadset ugly I could probably deal with that. But she's not. And because she's a country girl, she's super friendly in a too-much-in-your-face kinda way which makes me want to puke-my-guts-out-in-a-comet-style kinda way. Suffering succotash, what's wrong with me? She's EIGHTEEN for crying out loud. She's probably got posters of Daniel Radcliffe all over her wall and sleeps on single bed with flowery pink prints. (Sorry Laura, with all the HP talk, I couldn't think of anything else). Maybe she hasn't even begun menstruating yet!? Then again, she did used to work at Slutsville (aka Supre) before this, and she does like dancing and animals. So maybe she's a stripper by night in a bestiality club!! God help Eva!

I don't know. I think it's because Spidey has no friends who are girls and I've been in this safe and comfortable coccoon where his mother, Eva and I are the only women in his life. The only IMPORTANT women. And then here comes Little Miss Pretty Thang to jolt me back into reality. 5 days a week. 8 hours a day. I hate it. And I don't even know why I am like this because I KNOW that it would be absolutely crazy to think that he'd ever do anything. Fcuk, he's twice her age but. then. again. Does A Current Affair/Today Tonight mean anything to you!? It's me. I know it's just me. In a professional working environment, this is more common that people think. How many partners/CEOs/CFOs/blah blah blah sleep with their secretaries. Secretaries who adore their boss because he's rich, smart, handsome and powerful. How many men love this shit? How many men are horny enough to take it further. Maybe I've just heard too many horror stories or seen it with my own eyes. The fact of the matter is, this should mean nothing to me and to my relationship with Spidey.

I know what I am to him.

Yet.

Why isn't that enough?

posted by Lokes @ 4:23 PM 9 comments